


as time goes by

by ikjunholic



Category: Original Work
Genre: Existencial Angst, Existential Crisis, Other, bibidibobididoo, cause hell yeah i don’t, english is not even my native language, have i said i don’t know what i’m doing?, i can’t write ma’am, i don’t know tbh, i just quit twitter and felt like writing something quite abstract, olalala, shE’s just vibiNg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:55:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25008061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikjunholic/pseuds/ikjunholic
Summary: i know this is very shitty but there has to be a start, right? errryes, i am aware this will get me embarrassed in the future but whatever...i think it got very shallow and it doesn’t make much sense but anywaysssssssss nobody’s gonna read either way (probably, i hope)
Relationships: no - Relationship





	as time goes by

She was spinning around herself. And spinning. And spinning. As she wished it all turned into nothing more than a big blur. She spinned so she could feel the world was made only by some random colored blurry lines. 

Looking at them, the girl could only hope she was made of it too. Because then, she wouldn’t be Marjorie. She wouldn’t have to deal with all the weight of being a human being. It was already a burden trying to be anybody else, but above that, she hated even more the idea of being herself, since everyone would constantly do the favor of acting as if it was the simplest thing she could do. It turns out, it wasn’t. Not for her. 

Marjorie comprehended humanity, among other things, as the responsibility of dreaming. The girl had no dreams but the desire of not being. She was tired of feeling suffocated by the great and inevitable obligation of being. She knew that anything less than living your best life was seen as a waste. She would rather the anything-beyond-the-starting-line-is-already-a-victory type of ideology, but she also knew that's not how it worked. She hated it.  
She did recognize how much of a gift it was to live, but it wasn’t a gift she wanted. That’s what made it so spiteful, she would come out as ungrateful when it wasn’t even something she had asked for. The unfairness of it all enraged her. 

In her mind, to dream was to dare, and she just didn’t feel like she had the strength or means to risk being that bold. And she was fine with that. Then why did it bother her so much that she was seen as a coward by her own consciousness? 'It's unfair', she would think, again. That made her wonder about the privilege of not having to choose nor being judged by it. She would certainly apreciate it.

It's not like she wanted to be coward. It was just an inevitable setting in her life. 

Maybe the girl also enjoyed spinning around because she could feel her own emptiness more properly, unlike when she was standing still or just walking. In those times, she would feel so inapropriate. She would feel herself slowly fading away in plain sight, when she was very obviously not supposed to. Maybe it's a very subtle difference, maybe not. To her, it felt like an abyss. Not feeling inapropriate was surprisingly relieving.

Marjorie noticed, at this point, she wouldn't get any faster, it didn't matter how much she tried. So she slowly reduced her speed and layed down on the floor of her bedroom. She knew it wasn't noon yet, although she could not precise the time. So she just agreed to pretend it was that time of the day when everything could just exist purposelessly for a moment. She kept staring at the roof, wishing she could multiply the seconds before she had to come back.

'Marjorie, are you busy, honey? If not, could you please check if the dog has enough food?', her mother said.  
'Sure.', Marjorie replied.

**Author's Note:**

> i know this is very shitty but there has to be a start, right? errr   
> yes, i am aware this will get me embarrassed in the future but whatever...   
> i think it got very shallow and it doesn’t make much sense but anywaysssssssss nobody’s gonna read either way (probably, i hope)


End file.
